


i'll tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart

by greatkateweathermachine



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Character Study, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, but it's gonna get better, ted's going through it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27704533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greatkateweathermachine/pseuds/greatkateweathermachine
Summary: He just keeps noticing things about Bill, and it’s like once he starts he can’t stop. If he notices that Bill is short enough that Ted could kiss him on the forehead without bending his head up, that leads him to thinking about lifting Bill up to kiss him on the lips.He knows that best friends usually don’t daydream about kissing each other on the lips, so he’s starting to think that he likes Bill as more than a best friend.The thought itself doesn’t scare him, since loving Bill comes as easily as breathing to Ted. What scares him is other people finding out.
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan & Bill S. Preston Esq., Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 103





	i'll tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart

Ted is in history class, and while he usually has trouble focusing, today he’s doing a pretty good job. Only he’s not focusing on whatever Mr. Ryan’s teaching, he’s focusing on Bill’s back, and the sliver of skin that’s showing between his jeans and his shirt.

He’s noticed that recently, as Bill starts to wear more cropped shirts, his eyes keep dropping to his best friend’s midsection, and the area that is now uncovered. Ted’s not exactly sure what this means, but he feels like it’s something he should keep to himself. Which is easier said than done, really, because he shares everything with Bill.

Still, a part of him thinks his best friend would react badly if Ted told him what’s been distracting him so much lately. He’s not sure why he thinks that, since Bill has always accepted him with open arms, but Ted’s gut feelings are usually right, so he decides to trust this one.

And if he fails history because he can’t pay attention to class, well, he thinks it might be worth it.

Ted is watching Bill fiddle with his guitar, when the thought hits him. Bill is very handsome. He doesn’t know why he hasn’t considered this before, but if he thinks about it, Bill is probably the most handsome dude he knows.

He stares at Bill, who has his brow furrowed and his tongue sticking out a little bit as he tries to figure out how tuning works, until he realizes that Ted is looking at him.

“What’s wrong, dude?” Bill says with an easy grin, “Do I have something on my face?”

Ted gets that gut feeling again, the one that tells him he  _ shouldn’t  _ tell Bill the real reason why he was staring at him.

“No, dude, just zoned out a little.” Ted says, and if Bill notices that his smile is a bit forced, he doesn’t say anything.

They’re at an assembly, pressed shoulder-to-shoulder on the bleachers in the gym, and Ted’s heart skips a beat at the feeling of Bill’s arm pressed against his.

If he was braver, Ted thinks, he could reach over their knees and hold Bill’s hand. But that would require giving Bill a reason  _ why  _ he decided to hold his hand, and if he’s being honest, Ted doesn’t have one. All he knows is that a part of him would give anything to just reach over.

The principal continues her lecture about saying no to drugs, and Bill groans before leaning his head to rest it on Ted’s shoulder. Ted sucks in a breath at the touch, but tries not to jostle Bill’s head too much. Why has he never noticed that Bill is the perfect height to rest his head on his shoulder? Why has Bill never done this before?

Before Ted can try and figure out the answer to either of those questions, Bill lifts his head up and rubs the back of his neck.

“Jeez Ted, why do you have such bony shoulders?” Bill says.

“Sorry dude,” Ted says as he tries to clear his mind, “but I can’t do anything about it.”

Before Bill can respond, they get shushed by a teacher.

Ted inches his hand a little closer to Bill’s.

It’s a Sunday night, and Ted is feeling most distressed. He’s been thinking about Bill a lot lately, which isn’t unusual, but the  _ way _ he’s been thinking about Bill definitely is. Because it is definitely not the way best friends are supposed to think about each other.

Ted sits up in bed and runs his hands through his hair, trying to organize his thoughts.

He just keeps noticing things about Bill, and it’s like once he starts he can’t stop. If he notices that Bill is short enough that Ted could kiss him on the forehead without bending his head up, that leads him to thinking about lifting Bill up to kiss him on the lips.

He knows that best friends usually don’t daydream about kissing each other on the lips, so he’s starting to think that he likes Bill as more than a best friend.

The thought itself doesn’t scare him, since loving Bill comes as easily as breathing to Ted. What scares him is other people finding out.

Ted wants to believe that if he told Bill about this, Bill would be fine with it, but the fact that he can’t know for sure is bothering him like an itch he can’t scratch. And that’s just Bill, who has always been there for Ted. The thought of what might happen if Deacon, or even worse, his  _ dad  _ found out is enough to keep him up every night.

Ted’s dad always threatens to send him to military school if he doesn’t get his grades up, but Ted thinks that will be the least of his worries if his dad finds out how he feels about his best friend.

Imagining what might happen if everything came to light, Ted comes to a decision. He  _ can’t _ let anyone know about his feelings for Bill.

The problem with hiding his feelings is that Ted shares everything with Bill. 

He doesn’t have to lie to Bill often, but when he does, it makes him feel like there’s a black hole where his stomach should be. Lying to Bill feels  _ wrong _ in a way he can’t shake, and everytime it happens Ted just feels more and more guilty.

They’re in Bill’s bedroom, listening to music, and when the tape ends Ted waits for Bill to flip it over to the other side.

But instead, he turns to look at him with a serious expression, making Ted sit up straight.

“Have you been okay lately, dude?” Bill says, his face scrunched up with worry, “Your dad hasn’t been doing anything, right?”

“No, um, nothing’s been going on with my dad.” Ted says, knowing he sounds drained of the energy he had just a few seconds ago.

Bill looks at him expectantly, and Ted realizes he’s waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, lately I’ve just been…” Ted drifts off, unsure how to end the sentence. He wants to tell Bill the truth  _ so bad _ , but he can’t do that.

Bill’s still waiting, which is another thing Ted loves about him. He’s always patient, even when Ted takes forever trying to find the right words.

“I’ve just been really stressed about school lately, we’ve been having a lot of homework.” Ted says. It’s a weak excuse, but Bill doesn’t pry.

Bill looks at him a second longer, searching his face for something, before accepting the answer and leaning back. Ted doesn’t know when they had gotten so close.

Bill gets up to flip the tape, and the conversation is dropped. Ted feels himself start to relax as the music resumes.

Ted makes a mixtape, fills it with songs about love and friendship and all the things that he feels when he looks at Bill.

When he’s done with it, he hides it in a box on the shelf in his closet. There’s no indication that the tape is about Bill, but Ted’s still worried about what his dad might do if he finds it.

Sometimes, when his dad glares at him, Ted thinks that he can see straight into his soul, at all the things he’s been trying to keep hidden. He knows that’s stupid, because if his dad  _ did _ know about what Ted’s been feeling, he’d do more than glare at him.

Still, Ted has to be careful, if he slips up even a little bit, his dad will keep digging until he finds out the whole truth. And Ted  _ can’t  _ let that happen.

Ted knows, deep in his bones, that Bill will always be his best friend. That he and Bill will stick together, despite whatever the world may throw at them. And that’s why this is so terrifying.

Everytime that he sees Bill, he can feel the lid he put over his feelings start to loosen, and everything inside starts to fall out before he can stamp down on it.

He can’t keep doing this, but the only two options are tell Bill about everything, which he  _ can’t _ do, or stop spending so much time with Bill, which is the last thing he wants to do.

But everytime that Bill grabs his hand to pull him back on the sidewalk, or leans over his shoulder to see him write something down, Ted’s feelings start seeping out, and he’s not sure how much time there is until they overflow.

If loving Bill is like breathing, then not telling him something makes Ted feel like his lungs are filled with cement.

He knows he can’t keep this up forever.

Ted decides to give Bill the mixtape he made. It’s a short term solution to his problem, and he’s not going to tell Bill the tape is about him, but heading to Bill’s house with it in his jacket pocket already makes him feel so much better.

When he gets there, Missy opens the door. He greets her before bounding up the stairs towards Bill’s room. The relief he had felt on the walk over is still there, but now there’s a kernel of anxiety embedded deep in his chest. What if Bill figures out that the tape is about him? 

Bill has always been able to read Ted very well, and even if Ted presents his best friend with the mixtape and offers up no explanation, it’s possible that Bill will be able to read between the lines and realize why Ted is giving him a tape full of love songs.

Before he can talk himself out of it, Ted pushes open the door to Bill’s room. 

Bill looks up from where he had been laying on his bed, reading a comic. He looks surprised to see Ted, but not upset.

“Hey dude, I didn’t think you were coming over today?”

Ted reaches into his pocket and grabs the tape, tossing over to Bill, who scrambles to his feet in order to catch it.

“I made you a tape.” Ted says, averting eye contact.

Bill turns the tape over in his hands a few times, before breaking into a grin.

“Ted, my friend, thank you for providing us with musical accompaniment while we hang out.” Bill says as he turns around to put that tape in the cassette player.

Ted feels his anxiety melt away, the tension leaving his body as the music starts playing.

“Yeah, I just thought we could use a new mix.” he says as he flops onto Bill’s bed and picks up the still-open comic.

Bill bops his head to the song a couple times, before coming to sit next to him, grinning down at where Ted’s lying.

Ted uses the comic to hide his blush, and thinks that while giving Bill the tape didn’t help with what he’s been feeling, it was worth it just to see him smile like that.

There’s a polaroid of Bill in the drawer of Ted’s nightstand.

He took it last time he was at Bill’s house, and while he has a lot of photos of Bill, this one feels different.

It’s not a particularly romantic picture, just Bill in his garage, guitar in hand, looking down at a notebook at his feet. Really, it’s similar to most of the photos Ted’s taken of him before, but maybe knowing what he was thinking when it was taken is making Ted look at it in a different light. 

Because while the picture itself isn’t that telling, when Ted looks about all he can think about is the way the light was hitting Bill’s hair, making it look like it was made of sunshine. 

For some reason, Ted is afraid that if someone were to find this photo, then they would be able to know what he was thinking when he took it. It’s an irrational fear, he knows this, but he keeps the photo in his nightstand drawer under a box of colored pencils just in case.

On Monday, after school, Bill has swim practice for his PE credits, so Ted goes home instead of going to his friend’s house as usual.

When he gets to his room, Deacon’s in there, holding the polaroid. Ted feels panic rise up in his throat, telling him that this is it, Deacon knows and he’ll tell their dad and once his  _ dad _ knows then Ted might as well be signing his own death warrant.

Before his thoughts can wander any farther, Deacon turns around. Ted forces himself to school his expression, trying not to let his fear show on his face.

Deacon makes a motion with the hand holding the photo, “I didn’t know you had a polaroid camera.”

Ted fights back his anxiety to speak, “Yeah, I got it last year.”

It doesn’t seem like Deacon notices anything wrong, because he sets the photo down on Ted’s nightstand and moves towards the door. “That’s cool, can I borrow it sometime?”

Ted watches his brother walk around him and out into the hallway. “Yeah, sure. Bye Deacon.” 

He slams the door shut behind him, sinking down onto the floor, filled with something that isn’t quite relief, but certainly isn’t the terror that was surging through him moments ago.

That was way too close. If it had been his dad, he wouldn’t have been as cool as Deacon was. Ted would have been lucky to be grounded, and he doesn’t even want to think about a worst case scenario.

It’s like all his feelings are getting caught in his throat, choking him. Everyday, every time he has to lie to Bill, or hide something so his dad won’t find it, it gets worse. Ted knows there’s only one way to fix this.

He has to tell Bill how he feels.

The next day, Tuesday, they go to Bill’s house after school.

Ted’s been trying not to notice the concerned looks Bill has been shooting him all day. But now that they’re alone, in Bill’s bedroom, he’s probably going to try and ask Ted what’s wrong. 

Ted knows he needs to tell Bill about everything before they get sidetracked, so as soon as they get to Bill’s room and sit on the bed, he clears his throat and gives his friend as serious look

“Bill,” he starts, trying to get the words out before he gets choked up, “I need to tell you something.”

Bill nods, and, just like always, waits while Ted figures out what he’s going to say.

“The reason I’ve been acting so weird lately is because Deacon found that photo I took of you last week.” Ted says, feeling like his lungs are going to close up before he can say what he needs to say.

When he looks up at Bill, his brow is furrowed in confusion. Still, he waits for Ted to finish.

“And I, um, I realized that if my dad had found it instead of Deacon, I would be screwed.”

“Because he doesn’t like that I’m your friend?” Bill says.

Ted reaches over and grabs Bill’s hand.

“Because he might figure out that I'm in love with you, dude.” Ted says, squeezing his eyes shut so he doesn’t have to see Bill’s reaction.

Even though he can’t see it, he can feel when Bill’s hand cups his jaw.

“Ted, can you please look at me?”

Ted opens his eyes, and instead of the angry expression he was expecting, Bill looks almost relieved.

“I love you, too.” Bill says, and Ted let’s out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“Really?” he says

Bill laughs a little bit, and Ted leans his head further into Bill’s hand.

“Of course, dude! You’re like the person I care about most in the entire world!” Bill says.

Ted doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy, grinning so wide that it almost hurts.

Bill looks down at their intertwined hands on the bedspread, and then back up at Ted. He scoots a little closer, and starts to lean in.

“Is this okay?” Bill says when he’s close enough that Ted can feel his breath on his face.

“Yeah, it’s okay Bill.” Ted says, shutting his eyes and waiting for Bill to close the distance between them.

Bill’s lips are warm, and Ted moves his free hand up to the lay on top of the one Bill currently has on his jaw. Bill untangles their other hands so he can set one on Ted’s forearm, while Ted brings his hand to rest on the back of Bill’s neck.

Eventually they have to part for air, but for the first time in months Ted feels like he’s able to breathe freely.

He’s just so  _ relieved _ , he’s smiling more than he thinks he ever has, and Bill’s sitting across from him with the same expression.

But there’s still something else Ted needs to say. 

“Dude?” he says, “I need to tell you something else.”

“What is it, Ted?”

“You know that mixtape I gave you a few weeks ago? I made it about you.” 

“Ted!” Bill says, his eyes lighting up, “Seriously? That mixtape had some most romantic love songs on it.”

Ted laughs a little, “Yeah, who else would I be thinking about when I listen to those love songs?”

Bill’s smile grows even wider, and he pitches back on the bed, hands covering his face in an attempt to hide his blush. Ted nudges Bill’s knee with his foot.

“Want to give it another listen?”

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from "so nice so smart" by kimya dawson
> 
> my tumblr is greatkateweathermachine, and my bnt sideblog is wearewyldstallyns
> 
> please comment! i love feedback


End file.
